Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
He had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots, he was covered in ammo
Like a big, fat, drunk, disgruntled, Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all! Now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dasher and Dancer with an old German luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Kreuger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen
And he took a big bite, and said "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the FBI
There's a van from the Eyewitness News and helicopters circling round in the sky
And the bullets are flying, the body count's rising and everyone's dying to know
Oh, Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy
(sounds of screams, helicopters, gunfire)
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a Federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the Postal Service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night
With a lawyer, negotiating the movie rights

They're talking about the night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped

The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped....... in his brain.